My actuarial student life is complete now...
July 16, 2008, I logged on to the society website as usual. Instead of seeing the "paper uploaded successfully" screen, the screen gave me the option to upload my project. A sharp pain came accross my heart. Immediately, I knew that I have failed to pass the grading of the third and final grader. Since I used my work email with the society, I would need to wait until the next day to get the full confirmation of my failure.
Two days earlier, I have finally sent an email to the society to inquiry about the status of my paper. The response was that it's currently being graded by a third grader. This simply implies that I received a failure grade by the first grader and a pass by the second grader. The truth made me so worried all this week. I was barely able to sleep Monday and Tuesday night. Finally, when learning that I have likely failed my paper on Wednesday, I thought, "oh, it's gotta be another night without sleep!" Luckily though, I've had enough drinks that night already that I eventually went to sleep from my tireness.
Thursday morning at 8am, as soon as I walked into my office and turned on my computer, I knew it's the time for the truth to come out. I checked every single email I got before I finally clicked on the one sent from the Sociery of Actuaries. Of course, as I expected, it's a failure. I kind of figured it out the night before already anyways. It only bugs me that why couldn't the third grader give me a pass when I mean, my project can't be that bad if I've gotten at least one pass, right!?
All morning on Thursday, I did nothing but trying to revise my paper based on the minimal feedbacks I received. I understand what the grader was talking about, and yet at the same time, it's not all that easy to revise the paper so that it addresses all the missing points according to the grader's suggesstion. Then it came 10:40am when I had to leave for my German lesson and my lunch break. Now, it's Thursday afternoon, I feel fresher with the paper and have finally started to see what I could actually add to my paper so that it will, hopefully, adequently address the missing points.
In half an hour, I will have a phone conference with my manager and project supervisor in the states about my paper. I hope that I would be able to gain some more insights about my paper from our discussion. Then, I supposed, other than a 1.5 hours dinner break, I will be in the office all night tonight, working on every single detail of the paper. My goal is that I can submit the paper tomorrow night Swiss time which would be Friday afternoon Chicago time. If not, then for sure by Monday morning Chicago time. This way, I will at least have the slim possibility of making the professionalism course in September! Well, only if my paper is good enough to be approved by the first grader since I will not have more time for any further grading with the deadline being August 1.
I can't say how depressed I felt last night when knowing about the failure. I guess my actuarial student life is now complete since otherwise, I would've never known what failing an exam means. At least, I am still young and I think I've got a good idea about how to improve my paper now.
Praise the Lord! Please be with me as I go through some of the worst emotional moments in my life. I pray that my paper will be so good that I will receive a passing grade before the deadline and make it to the course in September. Afterall, I cannot express more about how important going back to the states in September means to me. There's got a lot more than just getting my fellowship with the society and my salary raise, but something else that I've never wanted so badly.
15:33pm in Zurich
我和我的博客[5]